What emotional baggage have you brought into your marriage?  All of us bring some kind of emotional baggage into our marriage relationship.  When two people are joined together in marriage there is a coming together of their past, present and future lives.  Particularly, past experiences can shape who we are, how we think, how we see, and how we perceive.  In addition, how we think and feel leads to how we act, react and respond.  Now marriage issues are common, all married couples will face them, they can be predictable and most issues are relatively simple to diagnose and address.  These marriage issues are a result of the union of two lives trying to merge together and can range from personal preferences, money management sexual compatibility to dealing with in-laws.  

On the other hand, emotional baggage is unresolved issues that we carry deep in the compartments of our feelings. And that baggage is brought on board into the marriage relationship. As a result, emotional baggage can eventually cause marital problems, but it is not caused by the marriage union. This baggage can stem from past hurts, abuse, fear, low self esteem and abandonment; even from excessive sexual promiscuity to extreme strict emotional constraints. This baggage becomes unresolved issues that have never been confronted, dealt with, resolved, or released. We pack away these past experiences and if we never take the time to unpack – on board they go! Right into your marriage relationship only to weigh down the ability for your marriage to grow, fly high and remain healthy. The success of a healthy marriage strongly depends on the emotional health of the individual in the marriage.  We all have been affected by emotional baggage and it can come in different forms of intensity, but no matter what level of intensity, it becomes like a thorn imbedded in the fibers of our soul.

If you haven’t taken the time before marriage to deal with past issues, NOW is the time to empty those bags!  Understand that we live in an imperfect world with imperfect people and all have sinned and are in need of God’s grace.  It’s important to get to the place where you recognize your emotional issues and take the responsibility to deal with them.  Identify the emotional baggage, realize that there is an issue and conclude that you need help then take the next important step and share with your spouse.  Perform a self analysis, do a self assessment, admit to specific issues and seek the help you need to be free. Refuse denial, refuse fear, refuse blame, refuse shame and refuse to be the victim….accept freedom!  Choose to confess, forgive, apologize, overcome and change; which can come through God’s Word. Let truth be applied to bring about change. Finding the courage and strength to face and get rid of your emotional baggage will only enhance your ability to give and receive true love. In turn, you make steps toward building a healthy long lasting marriage relationship with your spouse.

    Marcene Sanders

    Husband and Wife for Life  –Writer/Speaker