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Comments Off on Giving Love a Fighting Chance
Author : Laquilla Lane

           It was a little over a year ago, 2017 was sneaking on us and it has been a tough year to say the least. Back tracking a little bit New Year ’s Eve of 2010 I remember leaning at a counter at a friend’s party when he ask me if we want to make it “Official”. I was only 19 and he was 21. At that time I never knew that he would be the “ONE”.

It wasn’t a love at first sight; it was more like keeping each other company I guess. We were both young, and I will be the first one to admit I had no idea what I had gotten myself into.

A few months later, our relationship grew the more time I spend with him the more my feelings develop.

Next thing I know, I AM HOOKED

I still remember the very first time I said I love you. We were at Six Flags about to ride Texas Giant (I was very terrified; I HATE Roller Coasters) he screamed I LOVE YOU! AND, Thinking I might die at that second the word came out “I LOVE YOU TOO”!

Now married for almost 5 years in February and together for 7 years I look back to this year it and it has been a roller coaster! Nothing has been easy, A lot has changed, and we are still growing. I never knew what it takes to have good marriage; we both came from broken family, and not really knowing what to expect I was LOST at first.

But then I realize there’s two of us now a HUSBAND and a WIFE; I won’t ever have to figure it out alone, I won’t ever have to face all the problem by myself.

There are struggles, the latest BIG one was New Year’s Eve of 2016. It started with something small, all I really want was some help to clean the house. I just wanted him to clean the freezer! That was it… I had already sweep, mop, dusted, and the dishes done and put up. In my mind I just wanted his help; I had already done everything… But then he response with an attitude, knowing him he did not want to do it. And of course what did I do I did !what he hates the most! I started cleaning the FREEZER after he had already said he would do it. He was already mad…and I am getting there.

I knew it was something simple and stupid…but then my mind starting thinking. Do I really want another year living life like this? The misunderstandings and agreements really worth it? I felt helpless…and I have been feeling that way for a while. He then told me to go to my mom’s and it took a lot out of me to say “If I go to my moms, I am not coming back” I was already crying at this point, bawling. I can’t believe I just said what I said. Does it mean that my marriage is over? Do I just give up? What did I really mean? Do I just leave? It was an all time low.

All I wanted was to feel like I am loved, and not a maid. I wanted to feel like there’s 2 of us. And that he is there for me. I don’t want to feel like I am walking on an eggshell. I love him more than life itself but it felt one sided. What do I do!

But then not considering him, he feels the exact same! He works to provide and care for our family and I was blinded by what? Him not helping, him not doing chores; I was blinded by resentment and I failed to see HIM, he has been there the whole time loving me, caring for me, providing.

His face turned when he heard me say it, he had the saddest eyes, I know he was hurt and I was too! I knew it was a lot more than cleaning. It was EMOTIONAL, and we were both hurting. Everything came up, I was repressing a lot of my anger and my actions are affecting it. I would always seem mad without even realizing it and it was affecting him too. He would be irritated and I would just brushed it off without even asking… The communication wasn’t there and everything else followed without even realizing it I was truly heartbroken, It was hard to breath… It was a small task and it BLEW up. A lot of issues that we were both unaware was brought up and every issues I feel like the chances of us surviving was getting smaller and smaller.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! (year right!)

Fighting, borderline separating – that’s how our year started. For a person that is full of superstitions It was a bad sign all I could do is PRAY. Pray that we survive this, Pray to GOD to shed us the light of love, Pray that it was nothing but a big misunderstanding. Pray that we work this out.

The next step was a lot of talking, we sat down in the living room and we asked each other Do you still love me? Do you still have faith in us? Yes and Yes. How do come back from this? How did we get here? What can we do?

It took time, and adjustment to get where we are now. It wasn’t instant I had to changed my way and so does he… We got very comfortable; we stopped falling in love. We went back to basic, we had more date nights, we texted more, it was like we were back to dating trying to woo each other. The love was there; we deeply cares and love each other it was just a matter of digging it back up and finding it again.

Even the smallest thing, we would kiss and hug each other in the morning before one of us leaves and that stopped for a while, I also used to make him lunch and leave small notes but with him changing job that also stopped. It’s those small things that we brought back; nothing too drastic but we both know something has to be changed.

Not only we worked on our relationship but we also had to make changes ourselves; I was an angry person who repressed a lot of things and I had to change my way. I found ways to express my feelings a little better; and I learned not to keep a lot of things to myself and share it to my husband. We both did a lot of self-healing, and the other main thing was we didn’t give up on each even when things are hard.

A year later, things are so much better ; we are better, we are INLOVE, we learned to be more respectful of one another and considerate. We discuss our issues and work it out without holding it against each other. We live and we learn, nobody is perfect, have a mindset of caring for your spouse and they will do the same. I was selfish for a while; all I cared for was how I feel and my needs without even considering his.

Love each other unconditionally; give your 100%; be considerate.
Next Month we celebrate our 5th year of Marriage, and we have a LIFETIME to go!

-Rona and Zach

Posted In : Featured Couples
Author : Laquilla Lane

423617_10150661408707645_31817632_nMeet LeBaron and Cathy

Married 14yrs

 

How and where did you meet?

We noticed each other first when we were in Jr. High School. Cathy: I was in 7th & he was in 9th. However, it wasn’t until a couple years later, we officially met at a pool in our hometown. LeBaron: We went to jr. & high school together and started dating in high school.

Share something that you admire about each other:

Cathy: I admire so many things about my husband. He’s objective & intelligent. He thinks things out and grounds me as a person. 

LeBaron: I admire her passion for marriage & family togetherness. And, I love her commitment & support towards me.

Share a challenge in your marriage that you have overcome together and how you overcame it:

We married very early. Cathy: I was 18 and he was only 20 years old. We also had a 1-year old son. Friends & some family expected it to not last because we were so young. LeBaron: After moving to Japan (via the military), we faced many challenges including, financial concerns, trust issues, communication issues, & over all selfishness. We dealt with this away from our hometown & away from our family in a foreign country with a young child.

After you have overcome the situation, how has it made your marriage stronger?

We were very challenged in our marriage & considered divorce. After prayers & counsel from a small number of close friends & family, we tried to work it out even more & tossed the divorce idea out. In 2010, we renewed our vows and had a wedding ceremony with close friends & family. Since then, the challenges have tried to creep back & tempt us, but we stand together strong & now put our marriage in God’s hands. After understanding Christ’s design in marriage, we learned to apply scripture to our marriage. We still have challenging moments but with God’s word, we are able to find direction on how to respond not only to each other, but have the accountability towards God. We teach these very important marriage principals to our 3 beautiful children.

Share a funny or interesting story.

Cathy: I tell people I ”stalked” him when we were in high school. After flirting with him (like young awkward teenagers), I jokingly said to a friend, ”I’m going to marry him!” At first, it was appearance that attracted me to him, but as I got to know him, I was attracted to his personality. It was in our marriage that I realized I’m in LOVE with him & that I truly wanted to commit to him. LeBaron: I often tell her, ”I love you, I’m glad you stalked me!”

Posted In : Featured Couples
Author : Laquilla Lane

DSC_6134Meet Hasani and Danielle

Married 9yrs

 

How and where did you meet?

We met via email. Danielle: My girlfriend dragged me to this empowerment workshop that would be hosted by a guy that she said was so phenomenal. I was not interested at ALL but I went. He was PHENOMENAL! I felt compelled to sow into his ministry financially one day, but God told me to do it immediately and I did. I sent an email and the money and told him how motivating he was and how I would be sowing from time to time and he then offered to mentor me.

Share something that you admire about each other:

Hasani: I admire Danielle’s sense of humor.

Danielle: I admire how Hasani becomes the designated leader of any group he involves himself in.

Share a challenge in your marriage that you have overcome together and how you overcame it:

We went through a long season where we didn’t see eye to eye on anything. There was no emotional connection and we kind of intended on just drag it out that way. But through counsel and a lot of hard work, we worked out those issues and are now enjoying a fulfilling passion filled marriage with purpose!

After you have overcome the situation, how has it made your marriage stronger?

We’ve learned that there is a real power that exists within a single-minded marriage. We learned how to put our faith hearts and minds towards something and reap real change in our marriage. Now we come together touching and agreeing on everything. We found our flow and we are happier than ever.

Share a funny or interesting story.

Danielle: Before Hasani and I got married, we served our Pastors at the church we went to. He was always with the Pastor and I was always with his wife at the time. Well one day the Pastor was preaching and he said something sooooo loud that an old lady in the pews jerked from the shock. Hasani: We both looked at each other as we tried to keep our composure because we were visible to the congregation. It took everything in us to keep from bursting out loud with laughter. It was such an uncomfortable feeling because we really thought we would be heard!! We still crack up just remembering it to this day.

Posted In : Featured Couples
Author : Laquilla Lane

10-9-11Meet Jim and Liz

Married 4yrs

 

How and where did you meet?

We met online. Liz: After we agreed to meet for our first date, I prayed for the Lord to direct me. I had been a single mother of three for almost ten years and Jim was a single father. The Lord clearly spoke to me on the way to meet him. He told me to ask Jim his birth date. When we sat down, that was the first question I asked him. We have the same birthday! We also each have two boys and one girl, making us a family of 8, and have two grand daughters. 

Share something that you admire about each other:

Liz: I admire Jim’s ability to make each person feel important. He takes time to recognize what most people look past. I also admire his day in and day out commitment to provide for and protect our family.

Jim: I admire Liz’s fearlessness and never say die attitude.

Share a challenge in your marriage that you have overcome together and how you overcame it:

Since we have married we have endured job loss, starting a business, job change & loss, buying a home, 3 mission trips to Zambia, my father’s death, 2 children graduating high school, one getting ready to graduate college, two leaving home, and combining two families and still maintaining our sanity and love and respect for each other. We give all credit to the Lord. Lots of prayer and unconditional love, period. Nothing else works. Without Him, we would have folded in the first six months. Truly what God brings together, no man can tear apart. Amen!

After you have overcome the situation, how has it made your marriage stronger?

We became a team, and looked to each other. We saw that we had influence in each child’s life, and it gave us purpose not only in loving each other, but in loving our children. It also has made us one.

Share a funny or interesting story.

Jim left for Zambia the day we got married. One of his teammates found out, and said, ”Honey. he’s not going off to war!”

Posted In : Featured Couples
Author : Laquilla Lane

Eric and SusanMeet Eric and Susan

Married 13yrs

 

How and where did you meet?

We we’re both students, platonic roommates and good friends at Howard University. Once we discovered that our relationship was changing, Susan decided to move out so the relationship could go further.

Share something that you admire about each other:

Eric: I admire Susan’s selflessness. She puts herself before others.

Susan: I admire Eric’s determined mind. If he sees something, he is determined to go get it no matter what.

Share a challenge in your marriage that you have overcome together and how you overcame it:

We almost didn’t make it. Winter of 2008, we separated. It was the worst season of our relationship. Everyday of that season seemed and felt like hell on earth.  Eric: Susan had every reason to leave me, and I thought that she would; however, we were both determined that God hated divorced, and we didn’t want to disobey God. So we stuck through it.

With hours and hours of uncomfortable conversations, attempting to find understanding and a reason (beyond the kids) to make it work. Today, five years later (after separating), we’re closer than we’ve ever been.

After you have overcome the situation, how has it made your marriage stronger?

We are more intimate. Emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Eric: I don’t have to feel like I have to be perfect for her to accept me. Susan: I don’t have to feel the pressure that I have to do everything right. We’re stronger because a storm could have destroyed us, but we survived…together. 

Share a funny or interesting story.

Eric: Susan was just coming back from a weekend getaway. I was alone with all 5 of our kids (yes FIVE) and she was away. She was reluctant to get a way because she feared the house would be chaotic upon her return. I fought hard to keep the house as decent as I could…and I wanted her return to be special. I wanted her to know I missed her. 

So I got a sheet of paper and took it with me to the airport, and stood at the place where valet would wait for people coming off a flight…and I held the paper up. When she saw it, she blushed and smiled, and people all around us seemed to be encouraged by the demonstration of love we displayed publicly at the airport. One guy said he was going to steal my move.

The paper simply said, ”My gift from God”. Although I sincerely meant it as a way to bless my wife, others received a gift and realized that marriage can still be beautiful.

 

Posted In : Featured Couples
Author : Laquilla Lane

Meet Mvuleni and Nthabi

Married 4yrs

 

How and where did you meet?

We met at a mutual friends party at 16 and 19 years of age.  Mvuleni: She had her hair in a piggy-tale to the side of her head and that’s what grabbed my attention. She stuck out like a sore thumb because of that hair-style!  Nthabi: We were good friends for 6 yrs until I decided to give him a chance. He begged me for a while to give him a chance at treating me like a queen and showing me what true love is. I accepted and I have since never looked back!

Share something about each other that you admire:

We love the fact that we are more of best friends than husband & wife or parents. We have kept the friendship going strong and we’re tied to each others hips.

Share a challenge in your marriage that you have overcome together and how you overcame it:

Nthabi: My husband is a cop in South Africa and he is exposed to a lot of horrible things because the crime here is rather bad. He would tell me of stories that broke me down that he had to deal with. It was very hard for him to cope with the pain and as a result, he resorted to alcohol abuse. Mvuleni: It nearly broke our marriage. We we’re expecting our 2nd son and she couldn’t cope, being pregnant and having a husband who was constantly drunk. Then, word came out that she drove me to drink, that she was not a good wife to me and that I needed to find somebody better.

“We went to seek help from our church and our parents but the greatest help of all was God. With having 2 kids and love for each other, we both prayed for God to please mend our marriage.”

After you have overcome the situation, how has it made your marriage stronger?

Nthabi: The fact that he was told to leave me but never did, when the opportunity presented itself, was proof enough to me that he loved me & our 2 boys. Mvuleni: I saw that my drinking was breaking us apart, so I have now stopped. Nthabi: Glory to God!

After all of that battle we are now more open with each other, we communicate better and don’t bottle up emotions anymore.  We know when to seek help and we recognize which people wanted our marriage to fall apart. We have since then cut all contact with those negative people and we now love God and each other even more then we did since His intervention in our marriage

Share a funny or interesting story.

Nthabi: This is an interesting one: Before I met my husband my father passed away. The day my husband (friend at the time) visited my house my mother could have passed out cold because my husband looked just like my father. In a way I guess I was drawn to him by the fact that I see my father in him. He loves & takes good care of me just like a father would!

 

Posted In : Featured Couples
Author : Laquilla Lane

Meet Alan and Brittany

Married 2yrs

 

How and where did you meet?

Alan: I was a police officer and she worked at her parents tanning salon. There was an incident at the place she worked and I was the responding officer. Brittany: When taking down his ”notes”, he said he needed my name, phone number, address, and drivers license number. We were instantly attracted to one another!

Share something about each other that you admire:

Brittany: When I look into Alan’s eyes I can see and feel that he loves me. We just get each other. We make each other laugh and we are each others biggest fan. We support each other 110%. We both love and serve a mighty God.

Share a challenge in your marriage that you have overcome together and how you overcame it:

2 weeks after we were married, we suffered a job loss. It was difficult being newly married and losing insurance. But, by the grace of God we were able to overcome that struggle. We never left each others side. We were able to find a job 2 months later. It was the hardest 2 months of our lives, but it’s something that made us as a couple, a unity, and much stronger.

After you have overcome the situation, how has it made your marriage stronger?

We were young when this happened, but we know that whatever curveballs life may throw, we’ll get through it together. When no one else was there for us, we were there for each other. 

Share a funny or interesting story.

Brittany: We always joke because I have a way of spoiling moments. Alan and I used to say ”I like you,” instead of ”I love you”…so while we were still dating I just said ”I love you!” I was so embarrassed I ran out of his apartment and went and sat in my car. Turns out Alan had a romantic date planned where he planned on telling me that he loved me.

Alan: She also ”spoiled” the proposal! She thought someone had broken in at her family business so she sped there, jump out of her car and ran in to find me lighting candles and spreading rose petals everywhere. Needless to say, I didn’t finish lighting the candles, I just had to propose right there!

 

Image taken by: Creative Images Photography

Posted In : Featured Couples
Author : Laquilla Lane

Meet Justin and Lisa

Married 2yrs

 

How and where did you meet?

We lived very near to one another during our high school years yet we never crossed paths. We finally met when we both pursued a career in law enforcement in a small town in Arkansas. Lisa started working as a jailer and then full time as a police officer. Justin started at the Jail at that time. Our careers mirrored one another since that time. It is wonderful having a spouse that understands the stress an officer goes through daily.

Share something about each other that you admire:

Our saying is ”My Angel / My Hero” we even have it engraved in our wedding bands.

Lisa: I call Justin my hero because he is a hero on all levels. He is a police officer, he is my best friend, he is Godly, he is a true leader of our home and a wonderful father and step-father. 

Justin: I call her my angel because she saved me from a life of misery.

Share a challenge in your marriage that you have overcome together and how you overcame it:

We are a newly married couple and are facing many challenges of blending a family. Recently, our teenaged son unexpectedly left our home with no justification. We turned to our church. It took months, but we persisted with weekly meetings with his youth pastor. He would fail to show up at the meetings and offer excuse after excuse. Our extended family started to take sides and the entire family was at odds. Through much prayer, our faith prevailed and he has been home with us ever since and our relationship with him is ever stronger. Praise God!!

After you have overcome the situation, how has it made your marriage stronger?

We re-learned that communication is key. We recognize that we may see things from different viewpoints but we support one another regardless. We learned to act based off reasonable communication and not to ”react” to situations. Lisa: Watching my husband hurt made me realize that even though he is my strong hero, he is also fragile. I tend to be a bit more protective of him now.

Share a funny or interesting story.

Lisa: Justin proposed to me on a cruise with our entire families. Of course I said yes but I was so scared. I wanted do this one the right way. I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure this was the right decision. Justin and I spoke to our pastor about marrying us and he agreed. We went through 6 months of pre-marriage counseling. We also signed a covenant marriage. This idea thrilled me. I finally feel like I have got it right. We are regular members of our church and strongly believe (and finally understand) that GOD is the head of this marriage!! It feels liberating.

Posted In : Featured Couples
Author : Laquilla Lane

Meet Azariah and Charmisha

Married 7yrs

 

How and where did you meet?

We met the 1st day of high school, on September 9, 1997. Charmisha: I was on time, as usual and he was late to the first class that we happened to be in together. When he walked in, it was like time stopped…I could no longer concentrate and for the rest of the class. He became my focus.

Share something about each other that you admire:

Charmisha: My husband has always possessed the ability to make me laugh under any circumstance. He always knows what to say to make me smile after a tough day. 

Azariah: I admire how my wife puts her family before she puts herself. She is loving and caring and has a beautiful heart.

Share a challenge in your marriage that you have overcome together and how you overcame it:

We’ve overcome the inability to forgive one another. For many years we held grudges toward one another but recently we’ve returned God into our lives and developed a better understanding of what it truly means to forgive. It’s defined as love to us and we do love one another.

After you have overcome the situation, how has it made your marriage stronger?

It has brought us closer to God. It has made us a stronger couple, better friends and better parents. We don’t allow anger to fester or explode anymore. We talk less and listen more and rarely stay upset. We spend more time enjoying one another and are able to embrace each others differences.

Share a funny or interesting story.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years, We got married on the 7th of the month, My husband and both sons were born on the 7th of three different months. I was born on the 28th of the month, our first daughter was due on the 28th of the month and our youngest daughter was born on the 28th of the month. I am currently expecting our last child and his due date is the 7th of March!

Posted In : Featured Couples
Author : Laquilla Lane


Meet Stephen and Ginny

Married 3yrs

 

How and where did you meet?

Ginny: We met at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, in Fort Worth, TX when I came up to the school to visit my older sister. Stephen was with a group of my sister’s friends when I met him, and we hit off, and became good friends, and then later started a long distance relationship before we ”officially” started dating which is about a year after we met. It was the best move I’ve ever made, because I was with the man I knew I’d marry.

Share something about each other that you admire:

Ginny: I just love how Stephen loves and serves our family, and is always working so hard to take really good care of us. He is a good encourager to me, and he is a blessing to be around. I appreciate how well he listens to my struggles and is always there to lead me closer to the Lord.

Stephen: I admire Ginny’s sensitive heart for the Lord’s leading in her life, and how she takes care of our son and teaches him about Jesus.

Share a challenge in your marriage that you have overcome together and how you overcame it:

During our first year of marriage, we lost our firstborn 6 days after she was born due to a lack of oxygen to her brain, because of distress on her and I during labor. That was the hardest thing we have ever had to go through and deal with. It was certainly a trial that could have torn us apart, but we are thankful for our salvation and HOPE in the Lord that has kept us strong and allowed us to get through the darkest time of our lives.

After you have overcome the situation, how has it made your marriage stronger?

It has been a long grief journey (of losing our daughter), but the Lord has been with us the whole way. We have grown stronger together and to the Lord, and it has been a blessing to see how well the Lord has brought comfort and peace to our lives. He blessed us with a son after we lost our daughter, and he brings us SO much joy! Our son has helped heal our hearts in so many ways, and we are grateful to the Lord for both of our children. Even though our daughter can not be with us, we are thankful for the time we had with her during those 6 short days, and we are so blessed and thankful for our time with our son each day. 

Share a funny or interesting story.

We have had some really interesting and funny times together. Ginny: One that sticks out to me, is the time that Stephen backed his car into a dumpster while we were dating. He had just dropped me off the at the girls dorm. He was not looking behind him, but at me while he was backing up, and he smashed his back window in. He was so shaken up and shocked, that he just fled the scene and didn’t say a word to me (even though I watched the WHOLE thing!). I later found out that he was scared of getting in trouble with security, for backing into the dumpster and leaving the glass everywhere. Now we laugh about it, but it was interesting having a duck tape/ card board window in his car.